runninguphill22

Im home but it doesnt feel like home.
jersey feels off like my heart isnt here anymore actually that hole is coming back again. not because of cody but because im not in georgia
i dont know if i can explain to you what its like to have a state feel so perfect for you i guess its the same feeling when you find that guy who is perfect for you. 
the entire time i was gone my family other than my mom didnt care at all nobody called to see if i made it ok if i was alright and then when i got home all i got was why are yo back so early. 
Im miserable being here and its been less than a day.

im not meant for jersey anymore

[X]MONDAY   
[X]TUESDAY
[X]WEDNESDAY
[X]THURSDAY
GEORGIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3 2 1 DAYS!!!

in 6 hours i'll be in a car on my way down YAY

oh hey
i never seem to update this anymore and neither does anyone else but lets just do a quick update on my life

work:
im still at cvs almost 3 years now but im currently getting a promotion to a shift manager.  I will be the only female management in the store with my mens.  I wasnt goign to take the promotion since im moving with sam at the end of the year but i feel like its an oportunity to get management expierence which looks damn good on a resume and according to sam there is a cvs by the house so hopefully i can just transfer to there when i do go.  I have training and courses and quizes and only god knows what else but hey more money i get to keep busy and i get to be the boss lady.

relationships:
So back in february i started talking to this kid james who lives in california and it was nothign serious just another person to text.  well 6 months later he is my boyfriend.  I seem to be a glutton for punishment for the long distance relationship thing but this kid has never once waivered in the fact he wants to be with me unlike a certian georgia boy.  It kinda freaks me out sometimes considering i have never had somebody this committed that actually wants to be with me and not just to get in my pants and i've paniced a few times (sam can tell you hahah). I've threatened to back up to end it to take it slower but when i actually calm down and think about it he is honestly too sweet to be true.  He was supposed to go to vacation with me this summer but apparently funds school and work are stopping that which is hard hard hard but i am going to try my best to stick this shit out because he means that much to me.  I dont think ive ever been so into somebody other than cody but thats a different story. actually one i will talk about too since that is a fucked up relationship haha.  so almost a year later cody is on and off in my life.  He misses me he wishes things were different he wants me (in a physical way) blah blah.  I was so wrapped up in this kid for so long everythign about him is what i want but cant have.  He had this long to change his mind and try to make it work with me even after james and i were going out i still had hope with this kid.  as crazy as it is for me i fell so so hard for that boy last summer he had me in 3 months and then another 10 after that. I used to feel like i was settling with james that i should be with cody but thats changing for me.  Why should i feel like that when i have a guy who loves me unconditionally but is just lacking the mods.  Its dumb.  On my vacation i may see cody but im not sexing him up like he hopes because that will just complicate shit even more than it already is for me.  Im getting my shti straight moving on bit by bit and i dotn want to go back to missing him.

home: 
There isnt really much to say about this. I live with my papa and when i am home its time spent in my room with my babies.  I guess the moving in with sam will qualify for this.  I'm so damn excited!

friends:
Friend wise i still have the same basic few sam sam jess loui.  they are the only 4 i talk to on a steady and regular basis and i consider each to be my best friend and well loui is a close one haha.  I loves my sams since they are the two i spend the most time with and are the only people i really see anymore.

summer:
oooook so so far this summer i've been working working working. im trying to put money away for the move and my VACATION TO GEORGIA.  Ever since i left i've wanted to wanted to go to back for a few reasons one of which no longer applies.  July 31st kevin and i are driving down and we are leaving on the 4th.  we are staying here at the georgia tech hotel

its a nice hotel and we got a good deal on it and saved 200+ dollars.  We are going to go to the aquarium zoo and other tourist attractions haha.  this will be my only vacation in forever since my money will be otherwise spoken for once i move. 
Second thing is my birthday!!!!!!!!! haha i like how my vaca was more important to talk about than this.  july 22nd i will be 21! legal to drink not like that has ever stopped me but it iwll be nice to get a drink in  a restaurant and such :) other than all of that my summer is relatively mellow i will be working mroe once i get my promotion but im free most nights if anyone wants to do anything :)

I think thats all i really can think about for now because im so damn hungry i ate a bag of hot fries today and thats it so i need to put food in my belly and a drink in my cup.  if i think of anythign more i'll update again and hopefully that wont be in another 16 weeks haha

I dont wanna be a queer or nothin but ...i love sam
hahaha

fuck bitches

my life as of recently:

i love my bffs sam and sam
i cant wait until the 11th fun at my house
either somebody needs to come to jersey or i need to do a bit of traveling
the south has little allure to me other than the heat and accents haha
i want to start work on a half sleeve soon little by little
my stepmother just noticed the tattoo on my back so my dad will know soon
i told them ive had it since september haha
lost 10 pounds and HAD to get new pants its nice to buy smaller clothes though
still want to lose another 10
told my mama about james and talked about drinking and shots with her its nice that we are chill like that
brought james up with the papa too going to see if i can get him to let the kid stay here if it comes to that
smiles smiles smiles buterflies and blushing

and now im going to clean my room so there isnt ish everywhere when sam sleeps over tomorrow <33

i love my best friend and her bf

i dont care anymore

there is so much i want to write
so much i want to go off about
and yet ill be nice i wont be a bitch i wont hurt feelings and be mean

ill just leave it at i dont care anymore
choices were made actions were done and im leaving it at that
peace

Go me I am now the only one out of my best friends without somebody
makes a girl feel good

I want to be skinny
By April I will have definitly lost 20 pounds and hopfully I'll lose even more

day by day
brick by brick
 
im building a wall around my heart

i have only 2 people i trust and i barely see either
i may just move south by myself thats how i am 95% of the time now so it wont be any different then

I had to use my psp today to get online since my laptop is being a pain and in my bookmarks was a picture.  i looked at it and felt a surge of just absolute disgust and hate and then thought about this summer and wanted to throw up.  if anyone ever tells you there is a thin line between love and hate believe them because there definitly is.  "why are we plauged with demons in our lives, when the very sight of them or sound of a voice breaks every emotional barrier you had towards them" i wish i didnt give a shit that occasionally i dont go on cam and want to see in vino veritas has entered the chat that i still dream about him sometimes or have days when everything reminds me from license plates from ga to people with thick accents to songs about taking a train back to ga. my life isnt as bad as it was i should be ok right i shouldnt care i should forget.  the world wont let me forget i just went to read a book and found my train ticket from when i went down.  i want so desperately to forget and everytime i get comfortably numb something reminds me.

ps to my friends dont worry i wont talk to you about this i know its annoying

hi im ashley
my life consists of the following

-sleep
-work
-books
-my animals
-eating

thats about it. i rarely see anyone other than those i work with. texts are now few. ive become a solitary creature out of necessity, im obsessed with music and reading.  emotions are over rated i have no need or want to be upset about the previous details.  i still have my bad days and my good days but most now are just days.  im going back to school in the spring and still having a full time job. im considering getting a second job now hell i have no other use for my time. the last time i hung out with anyone was the 12th thats over a week of solitary life.  i dont have actual conversations anymore just random texts with no real meaning to them.  i should be upset about this but so is life maybe im meant to be like this at this time in my life.  im relatively used to it considering it happens frequently.  there is no real flow to any of this im just typing as it comes to me.  i have no use for the male sex in any emotional or physical way.  i need to save up if i plan on actually moving south in 2ish years.  im tired of trying to bring up and rekindle friendships when the other party is clearly not interested...not worth my time any longer.  im a back burner person one you keep around for your lonely days when nobody else is around and you are bored.  ive always been that person.  most likely nobody will read this and i do not care.  busy busy busy. 

from  now on im not IMing anyone, texting anyone, calling anyone, messaging anyone, whatever because lately i realize that 95% of the time im the one who does that and if i dont nobody talks by themselves

ill spend the time alone and reading its good with me

k so the other night i got into an artistic mood and decided to paint
3 days later this is the product

im not sure if i like it

ALSO i used liquid gold leaf on it and after 2 days of breathing that shit in and getting it on myself i read the back of the bottle and it said there is a chemical in it that causes cancer... woooo

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